• Use moments when kids come to you for help or when they want to talk about something has happened. Stop what you are doing, try and understand when the behaviour is happening and what are their reasons are for it.
• Make sure it's not the focus of the house and you recognise what other things the child is doing well.
• Find some books or videos where kids have overcome a difficult problem and read or watch them together and draw out what the other child did to overcome the problem.

       B) Introduce ideas to help your child take control   

Ask your child what they want to do about it? It sounds pretty straightforward but the child already know ways of managing the behaviour themselves. They may sound crazy ideas to you but because the child has come up with them they are often more likely to work.

Break down a strategy into smaller steps with them. Give them time to put in practice. Encourage them to persist on a few occasions. You can even draw the solution alone or together.

Encourage Clear Thinking: brainstorm some ideas together about phrases to overcome negative talk. Practice it out loud together like 'I can get to school'.

Teach them some Skills/ Strategies to help: ie ignoring it, breathing, relaxation or visualizing.

Get them to choose the skill they can focus on instead of the anxiety like learning to swim, paying at the checkout.   

Celebrate Success, even small steps forward. Discuss this at the beginning of tackling the problem. It can be a trip to the park, a kinder surprise whatever motivates the child to try as hard  as they can.             

Christine Castle, Social Worker and Family Therapist Alpha Counselling Services